I hate the Xbox controller and the stupid 1970s monitor colors.

While we enjoy the lazy, hazy days of summer by neglecting our writing duties, others are working hard to entertain this season. Case in point, starting this Saturday, the Chicago Cultural Center is hosting a series of chiptune concerts!

Not just a theremin housed in an NES!

It's not a full-blown garage saling game trip, but I managed to dip my toe into a few local thrift stores this week!

"The Internet is here. It has lost its respect for living things."

Computer-controlled cameras, audience participation – it's not a game, it's Lars Von Trier's latest film!

Just who from film do we really want helming a game?

The Xbox 360 has this mysterious thing call "Achievements", tasks that the developer puts in the game that, when accomplished, add points to a nebulous score (viewable on the internet) that doesn't actually do anything.

For example: If I knock 30 zombies aside with the parasol in Dead Rising, 20 points is added to my Xbox Live screen name's score.

Most people know about this already, and have had enough time to get disillusioned with it. After all, this score doesn't actually do anything but give you a fuzzy feeling in your tummy, and ePenis bragging rights.

Know then, dear listener, that I have found the reason for achievements: Xbox Live Arcade.

With tutorials like these, who needs enemies?

Remarks on a completed journey!

Memorably articulated.