TechnoParaPara interface and... ninja... ass.

As a human society it seems that there's almost an imperative burned into our genetic code: The belief that ninjas are totally awesome. Whether or not this is true -- it is true, by the way, TOTALLY true -- the fact remains that this drive to enjoy all things that involve the dark art of secrecy and intrigue via the dark pajamas and soundless dashes through bamboo forests exists within the vast majority of us that comprise the gaming milieu. Consequently, it's not too terribly tough to make a ninja game that pleases the majority of ninja fans.

Or it wasn't back in the 1980s. Ninja Gaiden and Shinobi, Legend of Kage and Wrath of Black Mantis were all pretty unforgiving, unrewarding, and some really didn't go too easy on the eyes either. But the option was them or Donkey Kong on the 2600, I guess, so the choice was pretty clear. I could probably name five more games about ninjas, or at least peripherally referenced ninjas, but this isn't really the forum for me to mouth off about my future graduate dissertation concerning Bad Dudes as the greatest example of American storytelling to ever reach the young demographic of Nintendo players.

"The President has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to save him?"

I don't believe any mention of the President is made in Nightshade, and that's the first of its problems, but... I don't think Japan has a President. I think they have an Emperor. Not that this matters, because Nightshade being set in Japan seems as arbitrary as anything else in this game. Believe me, 'arbitrary' was just a word until Nightshade came around. Now, arbitrary is a lifestyle.

The story of Nightshade, successor to the excellent Shinobi for PS2, follows a young and rascally kunoichi (female ninja) named Hibana. Hibana is a ninja under the employ of the government with the task to retrieve the shattered demon sword of Hostuma, lead character of the original game. Our ninja, as is to be expected from a video game woman with large breasts and a skintight outfit, always has something sassy to say to whomever she might be addressing at the time... friend OR foe! Oh her acrid jabs sting them all like poison darts! When convenient to the story, of course, she breaks down and bemoans the death of her lost love.

But let's not put on any airs here. The story of Shinobi wasn't exactly a work worthy of Shakespeare, but it got the job done and it knew when to shut up. Frankly, I'm really just tired of stupid bitchy female characters who always have a smart word to say. If you close your eyes during Nightshade's cutscenes you will be able to predict, with no margin of error, every time Hibana cocks her ass to the side and puts her hand on her hip. I wanted to put my hand through the screen and bitch slap this woman. Take it as misogyny if you will, I call it public service.

Since when is story important in an action game? If story mattered, I wouldn't have gotten past the first five minutes of Dino Crisis 2. Story doesn't matter, so it must be gameplay that I'm here to talk to you about, right? It's entirely possible!

I know this sounds crazy, but she actually DOES use her breasts as a weapon in this scene.

The gameplay in Nightshade is similarly less than stellar and upgrades to the Shinobi system are every bit as arbitrary. It pisses me off when a game that looks good turns out to be bad. It pisses me off even more when a game that has a direct lineage from a really, really good game turns out to be AWFUL. Nightshade takes Shinobi's lighting quick action and breaks it up with a variety of pointless new moves and a poor computer lock-on system that will more often lock onto a monster totally out of your range and send you hurtling into a bottomless pit than take you go where you want to go.

The game is largely unchanged from its precursor. The idea of double jumping and quick dashes to confuse your enemies are pretty intact. The combo system is still extraordinarily simple, with the semi-noteworthy addition of a pair of daggers that Hibana can break out to mix it up a little. The controls are still pretty unintuitive at first, but easy enough to get used to after a play or two. Consider yourself grateful that the kick was remapped to to the Triangle button, because with the amount you'll be using it (or hopefully NOT using it, if you're reading this) you'd murder your family rather than push "Back + Square" one more time.

Innovations come in only one form where Nightshade is concerned. The kick is not just an option for finesse players anymore, it's an absolute requirement. Enemies come in armored varieties about halfway through the game and there's no way to bring them down without kicking the armor off first. This makes killing an enemy over a bit a three to four step process, which is utterly ridiculous and much harder to get into a good 'groove' with. That's a shame, because the last quarter of the game revolves almost entirely around killing six or so enemies in a row without any purchase below your high heeled ninja feet. That doesn't exactly make for a good gaming experience. The freaking irony of it all is that the only reason the kick exists is to kill armored monsters and the only reason the armored monsters exist is so you'll have something to use the kick on. Arg! Talk about your total lack of purpose. At least the kick in the original Shinobi didn't feel like it was held on with Elmer's glue.

The Tate system, which veterans will remember Shinobi's 'speed killing' reward system, is still there, but all together pointless. Hibana does not suffer the same life draining curse that Hotsuma did, so there's almost no impetus to move at breakneck speeds through the level, constantly searching for the next group of enemies that will sustain your existence for just a little longer. Oh, but they find another way to screw you. You still have to Tate to build up your Chakra gage.

'What's a Chakra gage?', you ask me, a tumultuous feeling of dread rising in the very pit of your gut. The Chakra power allows Hibana to unleash a devastating attack on her enemy via a series of shadow clones. Unfortunately, it's rendered basically impotent because only the most skilled of players will be able to raise the gage to the maximum level and under no circumstances are you to use it for anything other than one hit killing the boss of the level. So, basically, instead of running around wasting the pathetic underlings of the boss so you can dash behind him and apply, with grim finesse, the final blow to his exposed back you're now expected to run around killing his pathetic underlings and then stand a distance of a half the screen away charging up your stupid pink shadow doubles to do the work for you. How this is cooler than disemboweling I wouldn't be able to tell you. Not even under the threat of death.

I would imagine that's two strikes against Nightshade already, three if you count the trash dialogue spouting from the character that is Hibana. Also of note is that Nightshade lacks a significant amount of the visual flair that made Shinobi so appealing. Almost all of the mysticism from the first game has been eschewed in favor of a more technological bent. Not a flaw, per se, but I gotta say I preferred Shinobi's style. A serious err in judgment, however, is the fault of whoever green lighted the piss poor interface. The layout of Nightshade's HUD has been proven to induce vomiting in cats and small children. Instead of the simple mechanics of Shinobi and its awe inspiring two bars to keep track of, Nightshade foists upon us a variety of bars, dashes, descending lines and more! Many of these you won't have a clue about their intentions or purposes until well in the game. Letting go of any sense of class the simple and easy to interpret hub of Shinobi provided, Nightshade's heads up display seems more suited to helping you attain better DDR scores than aiding you in your conquest of ninja bee monsters from the great beyond.

MY NINJAS ARE NOT NAKED ENOUGH. GIVE ME MORE NAKED!

With all this crap, which is not a little bit by any stretch of the imagination, I see no reason why any human being would have the desire to even exist in the same universe as Nightshade, especially when the infinitely more playable Shinobi exists as an alternative. Bland enemies, disappointing death sequences, a ridiculous sexual backstory that was so bad I actually broke down and started crying during the middle of it, and yet another cookie cutter irate woman with a jiggling ass... those are plenty of enough reasons for me to a take a screwdriver to my frontal lobe in the attempts to blot Nightshade out from my memory. Yes, being able to chain thirty kills together in a spectacular combo is pretty cool, and there's bonus points for a ninja robot last boss... but it's just not enough. Your choices might differ, but I doubt it.